Monday, August 30, 2010

Good Fighting

The hardest job I have is being a wife and mother.  Don't get me wrong, it is a job I love and find satisfying.  There is a physical component- housework, cooking and laundry.  I am pretty scheduled and I have gotten used to that part.  The part that always changes and requires the most work is the emotional part.  The home is the most important learning ground for giving unconditional love, constructive criticism and healthy conflict resolution.  These tools are meant to provide a lifetime foundation for emotional and mental coping skills.  A small blog cannot cover all these lessons, but there is one component I would like to focus on: fair fighting.

Fighting is really a misnomer.  The goal is conflict resolution.  The idea of peace in the home is finding a spot where everyone's needs can be met and respected in some way.  Peace is easy when two people are similar.  The tricky part is creating balance between two opposing views. 

There are a few tips in this area.  One, it is better to talk about something.  Stuffing it down and feeling upset creates emotional ama (toxins).  These undigested, hurt feelings can create physical health problems.  Two, have the discussion after a cool off period.  Trying to resolve a conflict while mad, only creates more animosity.  Further, one may use damaging words in the heat of the moment and these words cannot be taken back.  Three, the discussion should allow each person to understand the other's position.  It is okay to change your position.  It is even okay to agree to disagree.  The idea is the open communication, so each person feels valued.

Ayurveda is a holistic health system- meaning body and spirit are looked after.  The goal of Ayurveda is to find balance, so nature can do the healing.  Trying to communicate and finding a comfortable balance between two opposing views is a holistic health approach.  Fair and open conflict resolution promotes balance and is healthy for our spirit and our body.

By the way, just because I am an Ayurvedic health practitioner, wife and  mother does not mean that I have the whole thing figured out.  I am just proud that I try to balance everything and try to grow my spirit.  The intention and effort will always bring benefit.

Stay healthy & well,

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